cosmic soap opera (god loves your boyfriend too much and everytime you die it basically breaks him so god has to resurrect you even though he's really annoyed about it)

You wouldn’t understand

is now a good time to mention that the woman in the screenshot literally runs rotatingsandwiches.com

if im to be completely honest i think OP deserved this and worse for answering the phone in a public restroom. the pooping guy shouldve opened the stall window to talk to him like theyre married. and lit a cigarette

door.

i have great news

what

what the fuck is this cups of cheese..

LOOK AT HIM HE LEARNED

give him anything he wants

Community Notes is so good.

@takemetoturch

My dad is a meteorologist and he has never once warned me about an incoming storm. My leeches, however......

https://amp.theguardian.com/news/2015/apr/19/weatherwatch-forecasting-tempest-prognosticator-storm-leech

*urgently* Lads, the leechometre is at 12 bong, I repeat, 12 bong!

"tempest prognosticator" absolutely sounds like some kind of arcane device a wizard would have lying around in his workshop

It would also probably have leeches in it.

Won’t say it again!

cis people can reblog this btw

Yeah actually I just discovered how to turn plastic into gold. Oh you want to know how I did it

Starts running away cutely

He killed himself right in front of them too.

For reals, it doesn't even have to be a whole cat.

...That sounded wrong.

Anyway, I have a neighbor who rescued a frostbitten, bedraggled little kitten with a badly injured leg, he had to have some amputations done at the vet's and though Admiral Nelson has some battle scars, he's the dearest, cuddliest tri-paw'd, one-eyed, half-tailed thing ever, and sure enough, the judges considered him Best in Class for his personality and demeanor. He didn't just get a ribbon, but a little medal and he did so well at the cat show, that's how come my neighbor decided to get him formally certified as a therapy cat. Now he has a little vest, and alternately a sort of navy uniform one with a pinned-up sleeve, and when humans are dealing with orthopedic surgery, amputations, even just being unwell in general at a rehabilitation facility where my neighbor works, they sometimes get to spend time with him and often feel quite a bit better.

There was an awkwardness when a nurse had a tuna salad sandwich at the charge desk, the Admiral decided to leave his sleeping patient and go inquire if a deserving cat might have a quick bite between watches, a different patient spotted him in his naval uniform and was worried her medication was causing hallucinations, but apart from that, the little guy does awfully good work and is a popular fellow.

All cats are best cat. That is science.

easy website

^^^ me when I’m trying to calm down my horse named “Website”

weird horse

"Websight" is a Valid Warrior Cat Name!

train wreck of a post. hit reblog